Amber Blossom

Amber Blossom

Jacob Vinson

An amber blossom grows before my eyes
Attune with the shining of the autumn sun
Rising at dawn like a deep violin crescendo
Slightly wilted for lack of love’s nourishment

It smiles at me with a kind passion
Emitting its own light
Whispering at me with sweet pleasantries
Wanting me to come near
Needing to be healed

My pupils shrink with curious delight
Should I pick this flower or let it bask
In natures wondrous beauty?

Would it be better off with me,
With my broken heart its only shelter?

Could we cure each others scars,
As we lie under the open stars?

Oh, amber blossom, you intrigue me
Like no other flower before
You emanate a beaming radiance
That makes me want you ever more

If I leave, will our paths ever again intertwine?
Will I regret taking a different direction-
Regret not showing you affection?
That fear of these unknown truths
Tingles throughout my spine

I don’t want to taint your soul
For I am broken and weak
But just your soft presence
Makes my heart begin to speak-
Words filled with hope that can only come true
If I stay close to you

Oh, amber blossom
You are my world
We’ll grow together
A new life shall be unfurled

Full of contentment and splendor
Adventure and unending joy
You are so magnificent and desirable-
Rivaling Helen of Troy

Oh, amber blossom
Could it be true
That we’ll see every radiant sunset-
Every rising moon
Within each others delicate view?

Oh, amber blossom
Can it be so?
Do we belong together?

Only time will tell-
Only God can know

At Last

Douse the flame in my heart

I’ll heat it right back up

But you can do it yourself

With only the blink of your eyes

Unknowing and clever, I see you

But never know what you hide

I’ll still follow your eyes

I’ll ride against the wind

I’ll play the game and take the fall

Tarnish the burning of my love

Crush the dreams of my future

The big fish eats the little one

It’s okay now, I won’t worry

I’m by your side through it all

Cause I can’t stand to stay cold

I won’t stand to be alone

In this depressing, cruel world

It’s time to take away the atrophy

Time to take away my mistakes

Where I can finally take the step towards

Compassion, love, dreams, and hope

So that one day when the light breaks

The uneasy and shady clouds in my mind

I may be, at last

Genuinely and truly

Tearless and passionately


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Beyond the Storm

I smell lingering freshwater from the rain that once drenched my head. I can hear the distant thunder rumbling as the wind gently pushes the storm to a new destination. It is headed to some other unfortunate soul, and I can only be glad that it no longer tortures me. The only unsettling thing is that I still see no sign of the clouds letting up, and they are as dark as ever now and even darker in the distance- a sign that my destiny remains unknown, and I still may have to face great perils and dangers on my quest to find my purpose.

The wind is blowing leaves all about, shaking trees and vines- howling tauntingly at me. To try to resist nature would certainly be the end of me. So I go on, trying to ride the rampant flow of time. What else can I do? I have tried to fight for greater things, yet I only ended up worse in the long run. It is almost like I’m not in control of my own life, like there is some higher being dwelling over me and making sure that nothing goes the right way.

All I can do is go along with this infernal plan that has been made out for me, and look for a sign of truth that things will get better. Everything is shifting shapes and turning out to be something different that what I originally thought it to be. I don’t know what to believe in anymore. The only other option would be to give up, and I’ve already tried that before- to no avail.

It’s hard to be strong in this world – this rotting wasteland that is corrupting more and more every day – where there are fewer heroes and numerous thieves and murderers. Hope fades as a dark aura shifts and grows across the world like an ending sunset- marking the dawn of something truly wicked. Look around you now, the clouds are twirling and red. Ah, the storm is not gone at all. It has just begun.

What I thought was a storm before was just a precursor to the real thing. Hellish and looming, the inferno is destroying all in sight and seems to be expanding outward in every direction. I cannot run away anymore. If this is meant to be the end, then so be it. I will fight until every last breath has left my lungs, until all of my blood has been spilled, even until my body is used to the point beyond repair.

I must survive where I can seek the answers to finding the path of greatness and happiness, where I can finally have a true purpose, and where I can teach others that they can also fight for a worthy cause- to never give up and to always believe. That is a cause well worthy of fighting for, and if I die, I would not have it any other way than doing it fighting for the only thing I have left, the only thing that keeps me alive – hope.

The Last Autumn Leaf

I sit alone, intertwined into music. When I’m here, I am one with the unknown, I am unharmed, and I am free- Free to imagine my desires and free to forget what happens in the real world- the world that I fail to see with none other than a blind eye.

*Silence* The sound-waves have slowly faded, and now I’m left to find other means to repress my suffering. I feel a sort of emptiness- a shallowness that leaves me wondering: “what is this disease that ails me?” When I’m in my imaginary realm I don’t feel so weak or powerless; there is no emptiness, yet there is that unmistakable feeling that lingers throughout the realm, filling my mind and reminding me that it’s not real, and as soon as I open my eyes I will be struck with the ever familiar depressing truths of reality. It seemed as though I had to choose between feeling hollow and useless in the real world, or full of angst in my own, imaginary, world.

I wondered which one was better for the longest time, until I began to think in an entirely different aspect. If I had the ability to look upon myself from the sky and observe my demeaning ways, I would certainly be disappointed at myself. I waste my time wallowing in the uncertainty of my fears- taking every setback and making the situations worse so I can have something to feel bad about and finding some reason to turn on my depressing songs and surge into that unknown realm yet again. There is definitely something wrong with that picture.

I made a very important realization: It’s time for me to wake up. This is no game- this is my life. To get anywhere I’m going to have to end my pessimism and go for my dreams without fear slowing me down. It takes a risk to move forward, but why be afraid? The fears of the unknown must be destroyed with the endless possibilities that I can create.

Why parachute out of an airplane when your mind senses the danger of falling to your death? It just proves that if I am too scared to fall, then I am doomed to remain motionless, to never move forward, and to never reach my full potential. I must stop at nothing to destroy my fear and shoot for the stars.

My eyes are finally beginning to focus. I now can see the beautiful colors of the autumn leaves drifting to the ground below. I see this spectacle as a mark of truth- Truth that things change, people fall, lives wither away, and beyond that a new age is being born with new lives, new dreams, and new hopes. Just do your best to be that last autumn leaf- the one that stands firm, believes, and overcomes all of the obstacles that lay in its path.

There will, of course, be a time when the leaf is old and withered, yet it only adds to the beauty of life. Even though your days are numbered at this point, don’t let that stop you from making a positive mark in time. When you can’t hold on anymore, let go and strike the ground with such a force that the whole world will be in awe of your existence.

Anima Mundi

Sunset and the Shore

Therefore, we may consequently state that: this world is indeed a living being endowed with a soul and intelligence … a single visible living entity containing all other living entities, which by their nature are all related.Plato, Timaeus, 29/30; 4th century BCE

The shore is a beautiful precursor to the flowing ocean that basks in the hues of the day’s end- the same ocean on which the day is just beginning in faraway lands. Faint piano notes and jazz riffs waft in the air even though there is no real music around. Nature tells a story of its own; it sings its own songs and encourages you to ponder upon their meaning. How we interpret this is entirely up to us. I choose to symbolize nature with a song- one that flows into your ears, one that compels you, and one that challenges one’s inhibitions.

The Gaia hypothesis is an ecological hypothesis that proposes that living and nonliving parts of the earth are a complex interacting system that can be thought of as a single organism. Named after the Greek earth goddess, this hypothesis postulates that all living things have a regulatory effect on the Earth’s environment that promotes life overall.

Everything you do- anything anyone ever does will affect the world in some way. This is the backing behind my next piece of writing. I plan on eventually making it into a short story or novelette. Although it is a pseudo-science, I believe it is a beautiful concept. I hope I will be able to make a successful and enjoyable piece of writing.

Truth Inside a Dream

The feelings and emotions a dream can bring forth are beyond that of any other, for better or worse. The only thing I despise about dreams is that they have to end, and I have to open my eyes to the bitter reality of my life. The chance to make my dreams a reality has flown by, for I have made far too many mistakes that destroyed the integrity of my future. People now have different expectations for me. No longer am I the caring, nice guy, now I’m viewed as unstable and unreliable. I do not blame anyone for viewing me this way. It is, after all, ultimately my fault that I am where I am today.

I do not live in poverty, nor am I uneducated or physically unhealthy (for the most part,) but my problem lies in my mentality. I feel as if my mind is a sinking ship lost in a remote and shady ocean. I fear that soon this ship will be nothing more than a forgotten, rusting wreck.

I have spent much time reflecting on the mistakes of my past, yet it seems that instead of learning from them, I’m using them to sulk and make myself feel even worse. I have tried writing optimistically, and even creating a blog just for optimistic thoughts, but all I am doing is covering up how I really feel with fake words and actions. I don’t even know myself anymore. I feel as if I’m diluting slowly away from anything related to happiness or hope.

Hope used to be a big part of my life, and subsequently, that was a big part of the mistake. I would hope and dream and trust that things would get better to only have those hopes and dreams crash down upon me time and time again. What is really worth believing in? That is a question that I desperately need the answer for.

Memories of all the horrible things I have done, coupled with all the times I have been let down, let others down, and let myself down, ruin any chance of tranquility or peace of mind. Maybe I am just rambling, but what really sparked the idea for me to write this was a dream- a dream that made me feel as if I knew what I really wanted in life. For fear that certain others might read this, I will not disclose the details of the dream. All I can really say is that it was a magical moment of affection with a significant other. I know that the moment portrayed in my dream will never happen, which is very demoralizing in my eyes. It hurts me (and anyone I’m sure) to vision something so great, knowing that it was only a dream.

However, this was more than a vision to me. A dream is a series of mental images and emotions occurring
during sleep, and let me tell you, I felt the emotion. I felt another person caring for me affectionately, and at that moment, I was happy. So, in turn, I realized that I need someone- someone to care for me, someone to hold me in times of hardship, someone to lift my head up when my mind is weighed down with stress, and most importantly, I need someone to love and to be loved myself.

Some say that you are the only person that can change the outcome of your future, but that’s not always true (like in my case.) Everyone is different. Does this make me weak? Possibly, but I’m not going to change who I am just to be the stereotypical tough guy. I cry when I am sad, I sulk when I am depressed, and I laugh when I hear something funny. Sticks and stones may break my bones, and words hurt me too. I’m only human.

I don’t expect for a princess to ride along on a majestic unicorn to come steal my heart, but I do need to start thinking about how to build strong relationships and how to learn from my mistakes instead of basking in them. I am still fairly young, but this young heart can’t stand being alone. Again, it’s just who I am. I have to take the wheel and drive towards happiness. (Laguna Beach, here I come.) But seriously, I just need to have patience. I can’t expect to be handed my hopes and dreams on a silver platter (or atop a majestic unicorn.) Things don’t happen like they do on movies or TV. There’s usually not going to be a magical sequence of events that leads someone to true happiness. It will take work from me, work from my friends, and work from a significant other. With these things combined, I think that it is possible for me to be happy.

Now don’t get me wrong. I know this entire time I’ve been talking about myself, but I promise I’m not selfish. I enjoy making others happy and seeing joy on my friend’s faces, but there is a realization that everyone eventually has to make. It’s not all about other people. You have to prioritize your wellbeing over the wellbeing of others. You can’t fix everything and you can’t save everyone. You can, however, do great things for others while still looking out for yourself. Don’t live up to the expectations of others just because of peer pressure or stereotyping- live for your own wants and needs (as long as they are of pure morality.) When you give up the ability to make your own decisions, you almost lose yourself entirely. You are an individual. Make the choices that strengthen who you are, so that you may have the strength to help others in the long run.

Yes, I know, I went from writing about how I have screwed up my own life, to preaching about how to live a great life. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I just wanted to relay my thoughts and feelings of my current situation, while discussing how I, or anyone else, can turn that situation around into something great. Who knows, and only time will tell if I am able to reach true happiness. I still don’t know what to believe in, but I know that if I lose sight of my hopes and dreams, that will be the end of me.

I know this website is called optimistic thought, but it’s impossible to be optimistic all of the time, and realistically it is good to rationalize a balance between optimism and pessimism. Just know where you stand and try to stay on your feet.

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams go, life is a barren field, frozen with snow.”

~Langston Hughes